Beira Brown | artist seeking life's borderless extravagance »

waiting

After John and I made ourselves available by clearing out our overcrowded schedules, I thought we had it all figured out. Our paced slowed down and our stress decreased. John had time to create his art again.  Very quickly our focus began shifting toward a joint desire to work on something together. As we dreamed about it and pictured what it would look like, we linked it to the reason why we had said no to some really good things that had been taking up space in our lives. We thought we had clarity after a short life shift that had felt like a fog had settled over our life. I wanted to find validation for the pain and grief I experienced giving up those good things we had been doing. The scabs from pulling things out of our life were still fresh and not fully healed, and I was desperate for some clarity.

But when we think we know it all, we are only a few steps short of discovering that we know nothing.

When we thought we had a clear plan and had hit the road running with our idea, we received the news that we needed to move out of the house we had rented for over 8 years. That same week our dog got sick and we had to put him down. This was not part of the plan. In a seven day window, I felt like my world had been tilted enough to give me a falling sensation and stumble over my feet.

We were a few months shy of house hunting. Without our dog to dirty up their house, my parents gave us the invitation to move in with them. It seemed silly to find an in-between place for a few months until we found a house to buy.

Perhaps this was the reason for the “wait on Me” invitation I had received just a few months prior?

It seemed like this in-between move was an in-between step to the direct path to our new house.

Moving in with my parents was the clear answer at the time. I could not believe that we were agreeing to it, but it would only be for a few months.

We got rid of half of our belongings, moved our beds and clothes in with us, and the rest went to storage.

I must tell you how not being busy in that season was the saving grace of our family. Had we continued the pace we had the year prior, our mini crisis would have been devastating and disastrous.

Dust settled a bit and so did we.

Running freely in the backyard that had suddenly become their stomping grounds, the kids’ laughter told very little of our family’s sudden move and the grief they experienced over the loss of our furry family member.

As I watched them from the kitchen window I sensed that our move was more than temporary, yet I had no idea what that meant. I had this feeling that we were going to be with my parents longer than we had planned but I couldn’t perceive why.

“Wait on Me.”

The life shift and work in our souls was only just beginning.

As the snow came down, I put on my boots and coat, grabbed my camera, and told my daughter to put on her “Sunday coat.” I had bought the coat with a vision of a snowy portrait of her two years ago. The past two winters she refused to participate. It is surprising the coat still fits her! The little lady finally cooperated last week.

As I pulled up the photos on my computer, John looking over my shoulder, I said, “I waited two years for that photo. Two years!”

“It was worth the wait, wasn’t it?” he said.

“Yes.”

If the outcome is worth it, why is it so hard and painful to wait?

In the space of waiting we are pressed, stretched, and challenged. How we respond to the wait reflects the areas of our soul that need to be purged and polished. In the wait we can clear the cobwebs off the dreams and hopes and desires that we put in storage long ago. We can rediscover the treasures we inadvertently forgot about.

What if you are guaranteed that the outcome will be worth the wait? Would you be willing to wait? Would you be willing to be still in the wait without striving to make it all happen your way in your own strength?

Getting un-busy was a lesson in giving up striving and surrendering to the belief that God can take care of me and He doesn’t want me to run ragged trying to make it happen, whatever the “it” might be. Living in waiting has been a test of that lesson I learned. Would I really stay in a surrendered heart posture and stop fabricating how to make it all work out to fit my expectations? Time will soon tell.

While our waiting season is not quite over (the few months turned into fifteen of them and counting), it is so close to being over that I could burst! Some days I’m not sure if it’s delight or distress that I feel. Delight that it’s so close, distress that it is not yet here.

The wait is still stretching and pressing in on us, but we are almost on the other side of the mountain, coming out of a dark tunnel, ready to inhale the fresh air.

Are you in a season of waiting? Are you going through a life shift and unsure of the path ahead? Is the lack of clarity making it hard to wait? Whatever it is, it’s worth the wait! Don’t settle. Make room for the best.

When I finish my unfinished story, I will answer, “yes, it was worth the wait!” You just wait and see!

Wanda StaufferFebruary 16, 2016 - 9:24 am

Precious lessons we learn in tough times. Beautifully written and gorgeous photos!

BeiraFebruary 16, 2016 - 9:30 am

Thank you so much, Wanda!

JohnFebruary 16, 2016 - 9:31 am

Your Words are as beautiful as Eliora.

BeiraFebruary 16, 2016 - 9:32 am

you make me blush, my love! 😉

LindseyFebruary 16, 2016 - 11:04 am

Your words really resonated with me this morning as I also feel “almost on the other side of the mountain, coming out of a dark tunnel, ready to inhale fresh air.” Eliora is gorgeous and the photo was certainly worth the wait.

BeiraFebruary 16, 2016 - 3:48 pm

Knowing that the words here resonated with you makes my day, Lindsey. I pray you and I will both have strength to persevere.

CarriFebruary 17, 2016 - 1:35 pm

My friend, thank you for this! We too have been in what seems like an endless waiting period. The eagerness & restlessness I know all too well! And yet God says to me, “be still & know that I am God.”
It’s hard waiting and yet I know His plan is perfect far beyond what we can even imagine!

BeiraFebruary 17, 2016 - 1:55 pm

You’re welcome, Carri. It’s that wrestling between the eagerness and restlessness that stirs all kinds of ideas to get ahead of God. But “be still”; it always puts me back at rest.

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