I slipped on my cozy boots and warmest coat, and exited the house to round the neighborhood as I exhaled the cares of the day and inhaled new energies to finish out the night. Instead of resetting my breathing pattern, I was met with a challenge as I cut right on Deborah Drive.
I was very wrong in believing that our stay with my parents was an in-between step to a direct path to our new house, but I was right in sensing that our stay with them would be much longer than we had planned.
I needed some space to be alone and let the stories in my head play out and quiet down. It didn’t take long for stillness to come and sit down inside my mind.
As I turned that corner, God began speaking to me, referring back to that one disrupted sleep I had before our move when I woke up with that one random thought.
“God’s extravagance is borderless. We limit what he can do in us, through us, and for us.”
I had put it in my phone notes and rolled back to sleep not questioning what it meant. I was too tired to ponder it then. But I had thought of it during daylight hours when I could sit in wonder. And now here He was, bringing up that random thought that was obviously not randomly placed in the middle of my sleeping brain.
“You know, Beira, my extravagance has always been borderless. You are just becoming aware of it. Do you trust me?”
At that same instant in an entirely separate part of my being I knew exactly how God was challenging me, us, to really trust him.
I gasped some of that cold air into my lungs and slowly returned it as a puff of heat.
“What about buying a house?”
“Do you trust me?”
I heard silence in response to my questioning.
Back home, John and I faced a fork in the road with one choice holding a promise. That same choice meant complete surrender of our control and an embrace of the unknown. We mustered up all our courage and every cent we had saved for years to buy a house (and to do it right) went to pay off our student loans. This is where I gulp thinking about it because it meant that we would be financially stuck for at least a few months even if we decided to go back to renting (remember, we got rid of half of our belongings).
My heart’s disposition was to trust because the One making the promise has fulfilled many promises to me before. I was full of curiosity to discover more of His borderless extravagance.
John 6:39-40 speaks about aligning ourselves with God, trusting Him, and entering real life. We accepted the challenge. We surrendered our plan and decided to trust His plan, without really knowing the outcome or even the next step.
It was easy to take the step but it has been hard to walk the journey that has followed.
Just when we thought we were about to enter through the doors of a new house for our family, we walked through waiting room doors into the unknown.
When you walk into the unknown, you lose the how. There are no answers to how.
No answer to “how will we get out of here?”
No answer to “how long will we be here?”
No answer to “how is this all going to turn out?”
No answer to “how do we make sense of this for our kids?”
No answer to “how will I make it through?”
But there is no gain in playing it safe.
“He said, ‘That’s what I mean: Risk your life and get more than you ever dreamed of. Play it safe and end up holding the bag. Luke 19:26 MSG
I got tired of playing it safe and I found myself risking it all, including myself.
This space of uncertainty was the place where I lost myself. It has felt like death while walking around completely aware of it. It has tasted like corroded metal. It has smelled like stale air. I’ve heard myself screaming at the top of my lungs while my lips have been sealed shut. I’ve felt my insides trying to squirm out of me. I’ve shed many tears while swallowing my pride.
Yet in the same space I have found more than I could have ever imagined. (That’s just how God’s economy works.)
I have seen small glimpses of God’s borderless extravagance through the way this journey has worked inside of me and shifted my life perspective.
I have discovered how fear has been a bully in my life. I have learned how to stand up to it and tell it to shut up. I have dared to dream bigger than ever. I have shed lies that have hindered growth in me.
I have also uncovered passions and purpose that bring me completely alive, some in ways I had not experienced before.
This has all been from a trust challenge.
Sometimes we need a good trust challenge to uncover how we allow ourselves to be robbed of living fully.
We need to risk life so we can become aware of how limiting we are of God’s work in, through, and for us. Because once we gain that awareness, the answer to how to remove the limitations is clear.
It’s not too late yet to risk your life. Hang tight. Your capacity to live is going to be enlarged. Dare to trust and seek out Borderless Extravagance?